So, I’ve started smoking again. You can’t live in Italy and not have the occasional cigarette, unless you choose to never open your mouth. Just today, as I was walking past a friendly face and opened up a hello, the man next to me exhaled and with a perfect flick of his head sent the smoke directly into my waiting smile and I actually blew out with him. Even when I try to play soccer on the streets, dogging everyone with a flame, they wait in doorways, huddled together under a cloud of doom that I must part and become part.

I must share though that the relief it has offered me, as a parent, has been enormous. I will never have to wonder when and if my daughter will have a first cigarette. That happened at 3.

And coffee. Oh, coffee. I love it. I want to sit in the cup and play in it for while. But it’s so small. No matter how little I sip, no matter how hard I try to not suck, it’s over in 3 tries. It’s why there are no chairs at the bars. Your ass would never hit that seat with liquid still in that cup. So, I order many cups and this is why I no longer sleep.

And the lovers. On every corner. These young Italians with hormones exploding all over the street. Hands and fingers and tongues and looks of longing that if I stare hard enough start to pull me in and I do worry about collisions. Must I be reminded every day that I didn’t get to be a teenager the Italian way? Yeah, that really sucks.

So, I guess the only thing to do is have another glass of wine, and love every minute of it.

14 thoughts on “So…

  1. I love you. In all of your caffeinated and smoking glory. I love your blogs, your words, your photos and I beg of you: drink more coffee so you can stay up and do more, more , more. I will see you in Italy in July. Until then, keep producing. Your blog makes me feel alive.

  2. Hi Sabrina,
    I quite enjoy both your posts and photos, they’re very heartwarming and picturesque.
    However in this case here’s my opinion – nothing worthwhile comes from smoking in the long run. Why did you stop in the first place?
    Furthermore, your daughters first cigarette might not be a worry, but the 2nd, 3rd and 10,000th might present a problem! Academic studies have shown that children of smokers have a much higher predisposition to smoke themselves.
    Just a passing thought.

  3. God I miss smoking. (sniff) I love to smell other people’s smoke. Thank goodness I will never have to give up coffee. Every time I read your blog I’m reminded how much I want to go to Italy.

  4. ah smoke. how i miss you.

    compelling writing in a compelling country from a compelling woman.

    go for the passion. it will likely bring you a bit of trouble, but it’s clear you know what you’re doing. :^)


  5. I am charmed that many of my readers have concluded from the above that I have actually started smoking again. On the contrary, I am a reluctant passenger on this ride, simply breathing, which here in Italy is a bit complicated.

  6. Funny how people take things at first degree! Love it… smoke and drink and inhale away…. live life… when do I get to come?….by the way gave up smoking 8 years ago….but not the coffee and wine ;))
    . Sxxx Ps have news…

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